The Parisian Sale Part 3, ‘The Munster Crunch’
Forget the ‘Credit Crunch’ the famous five were off again. Or are we to be ‘The Magnificent 7’, or as one of the five said ‘If we are to be 7 then I will make it 6’ end quote.
Number 1 Georgie Best
I have to say at that it is very difficult for the writer to name who made this quote or any of the quotes referred to in this report. Some are very serious and could lead to unknown repercussions.
The writer has therefore chosen not to name and shame any member of this illustrious group.
Number 2 Georgie Best
It should also be said that the writer was never recorded as having said anything controversial, as is his way.
So the intrepid quintet journey on again following a team that couldn’t destroy the Green and Whites in ’79, and thus giving the writer his 15 minutes of fame. [Andy Warhol 1968]
So what chance had they got at turning over the might of Munster.
Number 3 Georgie Best
We were to start as always with a beer, and as always Tidz got one and we all missed out, again.
A 10.15 start from Spoons seemed fine but our driver had a crucial meeting at nine and was doubtful, but assured everyone that he would be there by eleven.
Number 4 Georgie Best
As is always the case a proven tourer [the driver] is there on time and the rest are late. Except Tidz, cos the bar was open!
A pretty quick journey down to Birmingham. The driver showed remarkable skills in getting everyone there without a problem. The toll road was brilliant, we spent £4 to travel 450m on it. Thanks Tidz.
The airport was a dream with the tour organizer checking us in online the day before, thanks for that Steve. He also told everyone about the size of any canisters that were allowed through customs, except Phil.
Number 5 Georgie Best
Phil argued that the shaving foam was not a liquid and therefore exempt. It wouldn’t have been too bad but the tin was nearly as big as Phil. Never mind he can borrow some of the writers.
At this point I just want to remind everyone that no names have been assigned to the quotes, to protect the guilty. Well not all of them as I am feeling a little mischievous as I write this.
Number 6 Georgie Best
One of our parties partners commented on his shirt. [ a Sale one] and said ‘That’s a nice shirt, where did you get that? If I’d known you were taking it I would have washed and ironed it for you’. There will be trouble ahead.
At the airport we met lots of guys and gals we had met before on our travels, some of whom are now good friends. Oh and we met Wayne and Balloo and the Sara’s [2]
Number 7 Georgie Best
It should be said that WD never let go of Sara, where as Balloo was not seen holding hands at all. However it was good to see the girls and we enjoyed their company.
That boring b-----d from Bakewell and the wife with the big arse, who said that?
‘Take your bag with you said one of our number. He can’t said another, does anyone know why he can’t?
Now as you all know rugby players are fit and agile, can side step a herd of elephants and drive their way to the front of any queue, as long as it is for beer.
Number 8 Georgie Best
However walking down the walk way to the plane is a completely different matter as the 5 [or is it 7 or 6?] know to their cost. Or at least one of the groups embarrassment.
It should be said that I have never seen this guy fall as quick in his life before.
The book was out before he hit the ground. Good old scribe.
We are well travelled now on our little tours. We have all learned to wear the best of kit. However one of our number decided to take his Hi-Tec walking boots and socks.
Number 9 Georgie Best
They were he said very comfortable but the high uppers of the boots were chaffing his groin. Guess who.
Now as you all know we select bed partners by dealing the cards, can’t wait for London.
As the draw was made and it was clear who the ‘2’ were to be, questions were being asked.
One of the ‘2’ said ‘My dogs lick my feet, will you do the same’. The second of the ‘2’ said clearly No. There was no violence at this point, honest.
Number 10 Georgie Best
Later as you will hear the licking comments came thick and fast.
I am worried about loosing my money, where should I keep my money’ was a silly question. On these tours you just give it all to Tidz and you never see it again. No problem.
We have excellent accommodation, unfortunately the whole of the Munster team are there as well. We are the only Sale supporters to be seen. A bit like New Zealand, oh sorry you didn’t go did you Phil.
Number 11 Georgie Best
The safest form of transport I am told is the lift. I agree now. As we all piled into the lift things looked good, a bit tight but good. However the voice wasn’t impressed. ‘Who ever got in last then can you please get out, and if its you Tidz, you should know better’. How did it know?
On trips like this sometimes you need to kill a little time, but suggesting Snakes and Ladders is well out of order. Who was that?
The same man was guilty of not arranging the toast at the airport. We need to deal with this, as he was the one who started the toast tradition.
It should also be noted that the same man fell asleep before our resident sleeper!
As we all know one of the group has a caravan, another has a ‘Luuuuuv Mobile’ but what about the one with the camping fetish?
Yes one of our members has bought a complete kitchen kit for the amateur chef who likes the outdoor life. He says he needs to be out in the open to ‘get it up’; god knows what he was talking about then. Oh and he has an annexe for, yes you’ve guessed his dogs.
We were to travel to Cork for a day out but our resident Shrek didn’t think they would sell Guinness there. Get him in the book, owie.
Having been allocated a room with 2 of my colleagues it was good to see we had 3 beds, one each. Or was it. I came home one night to find one of our number [the small one] hiding in the safe. Why?
If you went to Benidorm you may recall this guy slept in the wrong hotel. Not here. Here he just tried to get in other peoples rooms. Hence he could only feel safe in the safe.
Gyte is proud of his family. He showed photos of his sons grandchildren to everyone. Think about it.
And yes it happened the camper tipped drink into the little fellas drink, cos he was full up.
Speaking of full up what about this. I have heard that when you are drunk you imagine things. I can’t say whom but he went home early ‘when the shutters came down’.
He was found by the police on what he called ‘his magic roundabout’. When asked to move on he replied I can’t who will look after Florence. The officers assessed the situation. After a short discussion they decided to let him go on alone, as having to carry him would have caused them a hernia or two.
This needs to be noted and names will not be spared.
TC and SG discussed the quality of the hotel toilet paper for nearly 20 minutes. It was quilted and was great for dabbing. Whats dabbing?
Two of the group were on the floor looking for a card and one said to the other’ We look like 2 old men’. What do you mean look like!
Problems come in all shapes and sizes and most on this trip emanated from a small person, this is no exception. How can anyone put their watch on back to front and still tell the time. Well he can’t.
I believe he has patented the idea of an upside down watch. Watch this space.
Phil was very interested in the habits of Tims dogs and wondered if everyone benefited from their antics.
Usually the pet pines for its master, but not up Harpur it’s the reverse.
I think at this time Tim should be thanked publicly for inserting ‘the applicator’ when Tidz couldn’t reach. Well-done Tim.
Money and exchange rates confuse lots of people, we are no exceptions. However when the question was asked ‘Is a twenty worth more then a fifty?’ this has to go down as the worst statement ever. I sometimes wonder if there were schools in Eccles?
Now we have all seen the urinals at different levels in the gents, but have you ever seen anything like this. One of our group was caught resting his member on the lip of the urinal, not so bad you might think but it was the kids urinal because he couldn’t reach the big boys one.
There are many ways of choosing a breakfast but when the choice was down to who was the friendliest waitress. They both were effective, polite, courteous and quick. So how could we choose, easy said Tidz we will eat where the ‘Chubby Chaser’ works.
The hotel was as usual upto the standards that we have come to accept from our tour operator, so for that thanks. However our operator was left with a bit of a bath time problem. Showing Tidz how to use the bathing facilities was, he thought his duty as tour operator.
However putting the non=slip mat in the bath proved a problem when both his feet became stuck to the mat. It took 3 of us to separate him from his mat. Well-done TC.
The trip was, as always a great success and great fun. We met friends from nearby towns, ex opposition players and the regular supporter as well.
We did on this occasion meet a Buxtonian hotelier who was born in Limerick. Having arranged to meet us prior to the game, he was there with his family and friends but no money!
So we plied him with drink and company and as a reward we were invited to meet the players in the bar afterwards. As in Italy, our hopes were dashed and we never saw him again that night.
We did arrange to meet the next day and travel out to a couple of country pubs. He duly arrived, bought himself a couple of drinks or so got pissed and left.
Not to worry, he was coming back tomorrow to take us to the point to point. We’re still waiting. When is tomorrow. I guess we all only ever have one in our lives.
This to me was as good as it gets, thanks to one and all.
With friends like these---------------------------------------
