Leek Match Report

Ex Captain my captain asked me to do it this week so here goes.


Which idiot brought leek and potato soup (dried!) along for the theme? You must have known what Gytie would do with it. Thank f**k we drank all that chinese shit two weeks ago. I come over all clammy and bilious just thinking about that as a combination in a glass.

As for the game. Well Howies break was a classic. A shuffle,a burst of what can laughingly pass as speed at his age and then of course the finish. Poor old Geoff screaming for the ball and HG gives it to the opposition! Bugger. Full marks to Gytie for thoroughly winding up their hooker. He did an excellent job. Of course Captain my Captain had to get in on the act and only the restraining influence of one or two of the senior players stopped him punching the living daylights out of some poor little prop. One sending of on a saturday is enough for the club thank you very much.

To be fair we stuck at it all afternoon and with only fourteen men against fifteen! Maybe it was game too far. At least it enabled Phil Preece to record the shortest ever retirement. No games missed!

Anyway I've thoroughly enjoyed the season, well done Mike Barber you've done a great job and I can't wait to hear your speech at the annual dinner. I don't believe for one moment that you will bottle out and get Tim Charles to do it for you.

Apres Match

Changing room moment - Benno inserting his finger covered with some fiery thai balm into Dillys nether regions. Dilly now qualifies for the Brokeback Mountain Golden finger award. (To be presented at the Annual Dinner by James Weston and Dan Gyte.)

Man of the Match - Wayne Dilworth (Tay was a close second)

Twat of the Day - Howard. A no brainer for anyone who saw his intercepted pass.(Though who ever forgot to get us a referee should have got it really) If it hadn't been for Dave Robinson we would have been in the bar two hours earlier.

Really cruel moment - Dave Robinson for denying Gytie his try.

The first team - They are better rugby players than they are women!

Well thats about it for another season. No doubt our Captain in Waiting has plenty of exciting things lined up for us.

I very much doubt that the Advertiser will print this but you never know.

Buxton Thirds 0 Leek 3rds 50

Fourteen man Buxton battled bravely against a well organsied Leek side but came off second best.

Match Report to follow;

Buxton were; Fussell, Uprichard, Wilkinson, Dilworth, Barber, Taylor, Gyte, Preece, Graham, Lomas,Weston,Ritchie, Bennison

Leaning Tower of Pizza

And one for the front row

A fly half, a wing forward, and a prop forward were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The fly half says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought 300 pounds worth of meat because it was on special offer, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in."
The wing forward agreed that she sounded pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent 17,000 pounds on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The prop forward nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife is so stupid, she was leaving to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a penis!"

A Penguin Joke

A penguin is driving through Arizona on a hot summer's day when he notices his oil light is on. He gets out of the car and, sure enough, it's leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drives around the corner to a service station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it.
The mechanic says he has a few others to look at first but if he comes back in an hour he can tell the penguin what is wrong with his car. The penguin agrees and goes for a walk. He finds an ice cream shop and thinks a big bowl of vanilla ice cream will really hit the spot since he's a penguin and its Arizona in the summer, after all. He sits down at the counter and starts in on his ice cream. Of course he has no hands so it is rather messy.
By the time he is done he has ice cream all over his flippers and his mouth --a total mess. He walks back to the service station and says to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replies,
"It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No no," says the penguin. "It's just ice cream."

Next Season's Captain?

So who is it to be then?

Will Mike Barber stay on for a second year?

Does Tim Charles fancy another go?

Will it be Chris Allen?

I think we should be told. Soon. Before the annual dinner.

Out and About

The Councillor, Andy Uprichard was out and about on Saturday handing out leaflets in Spring Gardens. He was joined by Tom Levitt MP and Dave Miliband MP. Were they there to talk about Labours prospects in the forthcoming local elections? Fortress Lillipuit can exclusively reveal that Andy was recruiting for next season's front row! He believes that Miliband, Uprichard, Levitt offers a more stable platform on which to anchor next seasons pack.

Overheard, "Its good to come to a constituency where we have a chance of winning!" (Their own ball presumably.)

David Miliband did confirm that he had no intention of challenging Chris Allen for the captaincy of the thirds once Mike Barber decides to step down later this month. He is quite happy to work under Chris and concentrate on his technique.

Buxton make hay in the Sun

Buxton rounded off their first season in the league with a resounding and emphatic win over bottom of the table Sandbach and gave Phil Preece the perfect retirement present as well as retaining the “boot”. It was vital that Buxton got off to a good start and from the off the pack asserted itself, the front row of Bearman, Uprichard and Wilkinson sorting out their opposite numbers. The thirds had a good supply of ball all game and this was a major building block in their victory. The first try came from a scrum. Buxton had worked their way into the Sandbach twenty-two with a series of drives through Charles, and Allen. With a scrum fifteen metres out Charles picked up from the base of the scrum and supported by the pack crashed over. The conversion was missed but the thirds had laid down a marker. Sandbach hit back with a soft try and for a few minutes Buxton lost concentration and focus. But with the forwards providing plenty of possession through the scrum and Taylor winning lots of ball in the lineout the backs began to make some ground. Stratford was in imperious form. His kicking to touch was excellent but it was with the ball in hand that he shone. With Preece providing him with sweet passes he varied his options nicely. A half break by Stratford put Weston in space and with tacklers hanging off him he found W Preece who slipped the ball inside to Bennison. On a firm pitch he burned off the remaining defence to score under the posts. Tim Charles added a conversion. Sandbach came back into the game and Dawson pulled of a couple of crucial tackles. Sandbach tried to breach the line through their forwards and after one effort they were held up just short of the line. In the end all they had to show from their efforts were three points from a penalty, but as the half came to a close it was Buxton who were in the ascendancy. From a lineout the pack marched Sandbach back thirty metres. They launched a series of attacks but could not make the final pass. Weston was unfortunately injured just before the end of the half and Buxton went into half time 12- 8 up.

Buxton dominated the second half. Wilkinson made some storming runs and Bosley broke through several tackles. Preece snipping from the base of the scrum made a twenty metre break but was hauled down just short of the line. Again Buxton set up camp on the Sandbach line and drove their pack back over the line to give Charles a simple score. He converted his own try.

Stratford began to run the defence ragged. One spectacular break made thirty metres as he weaved his way between would be tacklers. With only the full back to beat his speculative pass found a Sandbach player and the move died. Buxton continued to dominate and the backs began to punch holes in the Sandbach defence. Paul “Mincer” Robson glided through tacklers before coming to grief a few metres from the line and a trademark Preece break made thirty metres before being halted, The Sandbach line had to be breached eventually and it was Phil Preece who on sixty minutes found the key to unlock it. He spotted a gap after an off load from Charles and as Jason Robinson did for Sale on Friday night, scored a try on his last game for the thirds. The excellent Wilkinson was replaced by Fussell coming back on at tight head, and the Buxton scrum continued to force Sandbach back. Another sparkling back move instigated by the Preece Stratford axis put Wayne Preece over in the corner and the game was beyond the reach of Sandbach. Buxton continued to press. Stratford broke from the half way line finding Bennison in space. He made ground and passed to Dan Gyte. Taking the ball off his toes Gyte set the alarm bells ringing before being forced into touch. It was one of a number of strong runs by the ever-improving winger. Ritchie made some hard yards and McNicholas took over lineout duties from Taylor and carried on the excellent work. Stevie Gyte came on to replace the hard working Dilworth and put himself about with great effect.

It was an excellent way to round off the season. The thirds showed what they can do and have a lot to look forward to next season. Man of the match Phil Preece had an outstanding final game and he played more like a man who was starting the beginning of a thirty year playing career rather than ending it.



Bearman, Uprichard, Wilkinson (Fussell 60m), Dilworth (S Gyte 70m), Taylor, (McNicholas 40m) Allen, Fussell (Bosley 40m) Charles, Preece, Stratford, Dawson (Ritchie 55m), Weston (Robson 35m), W Preece, D Gyte, Bennison

Buxton 28

Tries, Charles 2, P Preece 1, W Preece 1, Bennison 1
Cons, Charles 2

Sandbach 8

Apres Match

Man of the Match was Phil Preece, though Gareth Stratford and Wilko ran him close.

TC was twat of the day - no competition for that one.

The Bearmonster made a nuisance of himself throughout court and the Mincer clearly fancies himself as a judge. The problem being though that no one has a clue what he is talking about.

Howie took some excellent photographs, even though he had only just got back from Bulgaria and was clearly suffering from some mystery virus.

Gytie was a little bit creative with the truth about a certain golf ball and a certain glass of black currant juice.

Wayne Dilworth needs to re read the list of things that you are not mean't to do on the night before an important game of rugby.

Can we please destroy all remaining bottles of that Chinese piss!

Photos from Saturdays Game v Sandbach

Buxton Third XV v Sandbach 14 April 2007

The man of the moment

A classic break

Preece signs off in Style

Buxton 29 Sandbach 8

Anything Jason Robinson can do, Phil Preece can do to. He played a key part in Buxton's emphatic victory over Sandbach and scored a classic scrum half try to seal the win.

Full match report to follow

A striking similarity!

Sebestien Chabal

Neanderthal man

Training Wednesday 11th April 7.00pm

Its vitally important that as many as possible go training on Wednesday.

We have one more league match left

Its against Sandbach.

Its at home.

Its for the boot.

Its Phil Preece's last game.

BE THERE!

Holmes Chapel Match Report

It’s hard te write much tha is constructive aboot a 69-3 defeat. The weather wez fine, but the pitch tee wide! Holmes Chapel had an efficient an effective set of backs tha the thirds made gandie much betta than they were bi refusing te dunsh them fre the forst twenty minutes. Had April fool’s dyah come sharp ? Things looked ominous during the warm up. Buxton ernly had fourteen. Holmes Chapel had 8 substitutes. Acting skipper Tim Charles put his best diplomatic foot forward an asked if Holmes Chapel could lend weh a player. They thowt long an hard aboot it an eventually agreed. Thank yee Joe. Fre once the pack struggled. The front ra of Bearman, Fussell an Wilkinson battled bravely aal afternoon, an an unfamiliar second ra of Dilworth an Allen bust a gut te gis the pack some stability. Charles marshalled the new lads in the back ra Weston an Dawson but wi slow an poor quality possession, leif ootseid the scrum wez difficult. Stratford had little time te cle-ah his lines an though McCoy battered his way through a few tackles the baal could not be retained. Wilkinson returning frem injury wez in magnificent form scything doon thor runners but wi tee many forst up tackles missed bi the rest o the team Homes Chapel were oot of seit bi horf time. Preece had a couple of runs, recalling the golden age of his youth, but without support they ended in turn ower baal an the initiative wez lost. Paul “Mincer” Robson wez solid at stowed back an Nick Bennison had a glittering second horf , making breaks an putting in try saving tackles. Ritchie had his best game fre the thirds tackling valiantly when ever anyone cyame his way. The thirds foond some pride in the second horf an a series of driving mauls put them close te the Holmes Chapel line. The lineout went astray an the opportunity te score a try wez lost. The thirds hev one more game te gan te finish off thor forst league campaign. Its on 14th March. Its at hyem against Sandbach. Its Phil Preece’s final game, wi need ne other incentive te roond o the season wi a resounding win.

Buxton were – Bearman, Fussell, Wilkinson, Dilworth, Allen, Weston, Dawson, Charles, Preece, Stratford, Joe, Bennison, McCoy, Ritchie, Robson

A git big thank yee te Paul Mincer Robson fre acting as the judge fre the court, held at the New Inn at Flash. He did a grand job though te be honnest he wez more confused aboot what wez gannin on than the rest of weh . Wilko got gadgie o the match The Beermonster got twat o the dyah .

Buxton Slump to a Heavy Defeat at Holmes Chapel

Buxton lost 3 - 69 to a strong and well organised Holmes Chapel side on saturday. Match report to follow.