The Parisian Sale Part Two - The Italian Chapter Part One by Howard Graham

The Parisian Sale
Part Two

‘The Italian Chapter’

[ Part one ]


Well it started again, How are you mate? Do you fancy a drink? Have a large one.

I should have known these things only happen to me when some one wants something and this was no different. If you read part one you know what comes next ‘We need you and err ---- your car if that’s ok.
Being the soft touch that I am I thought well it was ok last time maybe if I go again it will get better or then again maybe not!

It all started so well. I awoke at 8am on the Friday [the day of travel] after being in London for 3 days and not getting home until midnight.
I wasn’t tired I was knackered, but I had to force myself for the sake of the team, sounds a bit like a normal Saturday.

Packed ‘The’ bag and into the car, 10 minutes in all, said Hello to Sal and explained who I was and why I was leaving, again.
I also explained that when I got back on the Monday I didn’t need any supper as I had an 8 o’clock meeting, and forget breakfast as I was going early and would be back on the Thursday night. With hind site, probably not the best time to divulge all this information. Hey Ho.

I have my instructions ‘Pick everyone up at 9am’ How? Tell me how Tim.

I start with Tidz, I knew he had to be first as he hadn’t been to bed the night before. He wasn’t ill he just needed his quota of Magners just in case there wasn’t any in Italy. As if.

Gyte was next but neither Tidz nor I new how to approach this one. We decided the best thing to do was to sit outside the house and blow the horn. We kept the engine running, you never know this is Fairfeild!
A couple of minutes later we got what we came for, ’The Gyte’.

On we go to pick up one of Snow Whites pals, Phil.
We found him pacing up and down the living room like an expectant father. As he walked down the path we could see the smile on his face as he anticipated the next 4 days adventure. When he got in the car we also saw the tear in his eye as he left Kath. Never mind he said ‘I’ll be back’.
It didn’t quite have the same impact as Arnie saying it.

And so we move to find the last of the tour party,[don’t get excited Phil I’m not talking about caravans] I mean our leader, Tim but Dim. Where better to find a sleeping giant than the cemetery, where peace and quiet are the order of the day. Not that Tim needs peace or quiet to nod off, I have the photo’s.



Now we are five! Now we are one! Now the adventure begins.
Just so there is no doubt the party consists of, Batman [driver], Tidz [co pilot], The Gyte [needs no explanation], Tim but Dim [ sleeping giant] and Phil, he’s the one that didn’t go to New Zealand with the lions just in case anyone didn’t know.

The journey to the airport is uneventful excepting that Tim didn’t know where we were leaving the car, he wasn’t bothered, it wasn’t his car.

East Midlands is a small friendly airport. As we all know airports are full of shops and things, so we browse the newsagents but buy nothing. However, we find Phil in the queue to pay. What has he bought and I quote; Making Pegs the easy way [it’s a back edition], Sharpen Knifes and your mind in one easy step, and Caravanning for the beginner. We take him from the queue and back into the the ‘Group’.

Now we have some serious decisions to make. Who holds the Kitty? And who sleeps with whom.
The Kitty is easy, Tidz.

Now to the sleeping arrangements. We have 2 twin rooms, and one single room. The problem is if you remember last year Tim and Phil shared a double bed for the whole weekend! They wanted to renew their experience’s and try a few things they didn’t try on the last trip.
We are a democracy and things must be done and be seen to be done fairly. Phil’s not to keen on this and protests at every opportunity that last year was ok, so do it again.

After much debate and a few beers we decide to let the cards decide who sleeps where, with hind site and Phil’s new found Romany interests perhaps we just played straight into his hands.

The 2 Black Kings were to share and the 2 Black Jacks.

The cards were prepared and laid face down in the centre of the table. Each person was to draw a card in turn. Phil still wasn’t quite sure but hey ho.

As each card was drawn the tension began to tell. First to draw a King, your’s truly. We move on, Tim draws a Jack. Phil is looking worried.
The 3 remaining keep turning over cards, at last another King. Tidz, your with me. There is a sigh of relief but Steve and Phil are there to the end, the last 2 cards. Who gets the Jack? Who gets Tim? And how will the little fella cope if its not him.
Gyte to go and he shields the card from view, Phil is wetting himself. Gyte is at his best when he knows something you don’t. I think I can say we have all been there.
Phil can’t go until Gyte has shown his card, and in the fullness of time I like Gyte will tell you who got the remaining Jack. Remember the cards are never wrong.

Security is now a big part of travelling anywhere but I have never seen our security officers so abused by anyone as I did this day.
As we all know one of our party suffers with Farmer’s, and today was no exception.
On seeing how closely people were being screened and what happened if the alarm went off our man took full advantage.

We all went through the scanner, no problem except our expert on piles. He was taken aside because he was deemed to be carrying a ‘metal object’.
Once in the private booth and the gloves were on [and lubricated]so to speak our man gave in quite easily.
Our security officers found nothing but in their investigation did come across some ‘dangle berries’ which they put back where they should be. Our man returned with a smile and a comfortable walk. Nice one Tidz.

We wait in the bar even though it says we must board now, the writer is forced to have a half as time is running out.
We arrive at the gate and find we still have to wait, a bit like a pass from Phil to Tim. Phil passes to Tim we all get there and wait as Tim explains to Phil why he dropped, lost, knocked on or was turned over. Some things don’t change.

As we wait and chat idly Mr Gyte admits that after 2 years of owning an Ipod he has finally worked that he has to download music into it before it will play it back! Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Steve has also seen the ‘cut’ and ‘paste’ instructions on his computer and thought this was how he created a desk top and screen saver, as in decorate his computer. Double Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Not to be out done by computer skills Phil had to confess that it took him 2hrs to book a pitch on a caravan site only to be emailed stating that the last pitch for the relevant night had been sold 1hr earlier. Kath pointed to the phone and smiled, that knowing smile that we’ve all seen. You know the one I mean, the one that says I’ve done in 2 minutes what you couldn’t do in 2 hrs.

What is the only car made in Wales? Answers on a post card please.

When you travel with pals they say things that sometimes are best left unsaid, like, ‘I’ve got a wife 2 cats and a caravan to support’. Once again answers on a post card please. [the address is at the end]

We take off we play cards, only resting to eat and drink red wine, just to get us into the mood.
As we approach the airport and prior to the air rage attack, Phil the pikey spots an Italian caravan site from 5000ft, sad or what.

Now we have all travelled many times the worst thing that you can have is a kid sat behind you kicking your seat, or is it? It could be TC.

This lady said and I quote ‘ I lived through the Blitz but wasn’t scared but he scared me ‘pointing at TC .

Let me go back a step or two to the plane journey. Steve and I were in one row and Tim, Phil and Tidz in front.
To play cards the guys in front knelt on there seats and you guessed it, their feet were banging the seats in front, for nearly 3 hours. I thing they were a bit pissed off.
Anyway as we land the guy in front of Tidz turns round to give him a mouthful, realises that it might not be such a good idea spots TC and lays into him.
The old dear above joins in and her quote was definitely directed in TC’s direction.
Quotes, I like quotes. How many you spot, answers on a postcard please.

No matter we’re here now lets find a pub, an English one, no an Irish one, any pub will do but this is not an easy place to find a beer.

What’s the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris? A man will look for a golf ball. Don’t ask who said that.
Part two to follow.

Our No. 8 Doing What He Does Best (Or has he lost phil?)

Out and About

Sarcasm from the TOC???

This was posted on the BRUFC WEB site anonymously - thought it might inspire!!!!!!!!!!

Good game guys. I played in this game, and while you no doubt were superb in the scrummage, I am not too sure if you were 'camped on our line', or that you 'had the best of the early exchanges' (we were 10-0 up). I also scored the 'lucky bounce' try which did not actually bounce into my hands - your winger/full back messed up and I hacked it on.All good, solid, Daily Mail style reporting! Looking forward to the return game in better conditions when we'll see whether you've made it into the 'superb outfit' you undoubtedly are!All good fun - see you at the rematch.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007 - 01:00 PM

The Missing Match Report??

Buxton 3rd Xv 10pts Didsbury Toc H 24 pts.

THIRDS played hosts to Toc H, in difficult conditions at Sunnyfields. Buxton had made several changes, but despite this, put in a creditable performance against a well organised team, writes Carl Scrimshaw.
Right from the start, it was obvious that Toc H were going to have a torrid time in the scrummage. Every scrum went Buxtons way. Toc were in serious bother, and their faces showed the trouble they were in. Buxton had the best of the early exchanges, with some strong running from P Taylor and his partner B B Cavannah. Their direct approach was an inspiration the rest of the team. S Smedley, returning at loose head, showed that he had worked on his upper body strength during his long lay off, swatting away tacklers who got too close. P Preece was at his best, linking with G Stratford at fly half who kept the visitors guessing with some long range kicking. It was, however, a fortunate bounce which gifted Toc H their first score, after Buxton looked the more likely to register. Toc's second was a well worked score utilising a well worked overlap. Buxtons back were always on the look out for a chance to march up field. J Dawson and G Ritchie were cool in attack and stoic in defence. Buxton raised the tempo and camped on Toc's 22m line. Skipper C Allen piled over the line to score after several phases of interplay. D Poulter and C Scrimshaw provided a superb platform for Preece to exploit. T Charles was imperious in the line out, linking with Hooker, Scrimshaw winning all of his own ball, and a substantial amount of the visitors too. After the break, Toc scored in the corner after finding a gap on the blind side. This galvanised Buxton, who played the rest of the game in full on attack mode. N Bennison was difficult for Toc to pin down. His superb running lines fixed the defenders to the spot. T Edge was playing well, crashing deep into Toc's midfield. The introduction of G Nichols and Seth mixed things up a little, as did the intro
duction of Mike Towell and Matt Slimming. Slimming added a new dimension with some superb place kicking. K Mike Barber started off a move, supported by D Poulter, who drove for the touch line. A desperate series of tackles gifted Buxton several penalties. Marching ever forward, Preece, unselfishly slipped the ball to the awaiting hands of S Smedley; he took his opportunity diving over to bring Buxton into striking distance. More points looked inevitable, but Toc used their experience to run the clock down, frustrating Buxton, who finished the game the better team. Buxton thirds have the makings of a superb outfit; and with a bit more awareness they will be a force to reckon with.
THIRDS: - D Poulter, C Scrimshaw, S Smedley, B B Cavannah, P Taylor, T Charles, M Barber, C Allen ©, M Towell, P Preece, G Stratford, J Dawson, G Ritchie, Seth, G Nichols, N Bennison, M Slimming, T Edge

Never Mind the Reports

Sod the reports, I am having enough problems trying to get a game to be written about. If anybody has any ideas drop me a line. CMC

Lack of Match reports

So where is it then? Getting William "the Bard" Scrimi to write the match report is all very well but we should read it first ,unsullied by the repressive and sexually backward advertiser, on here first. I blame Captain my Captain. Or Wayne Dilworth.

A few pics of a recent visit to Italy by 3rd team old farts

CENSORED!

I believe the blue pencil of censorship has been applied to our match report. Do we know any lawyers?

Arse

I heard Wayne was very impressed with his arse until he found it wasn't his !!

Thirds deserve more in physical contest

Aldwinians 20 Buxton 7

Another improved performance away from home saw the thirds battling all the way against a strong physical Aldwinians fifteen. In the end the scoreline flattered the home side who used nine substitutes to subdue the thirds. Buxton began by playing into the elements and the opening exchanges were nip and tuck. Both sides had scoring opportunities. Aldwinians were quicker to the breakdown however and they began to establish territorial dominance. Using the tactic of picking and driving from the rucks they launched a series of attacks on the Buxton line. The thirds close quarter defence was up to the task. The back row of Bosely, Allen and Charles worked tirelessly to stem the flow, helped by some shuddering hits by Cavanagh, whilst Poole and Weston scythed down anything outwide. Eventually though they threw the ball wide and found space to score a well worked try. With Buxton shading the battle upfront they began to gain possession. Ball retention though not good enough was greatly improved and Edge and Dilworth did sterling work on the floor securing loose ball. The lineout remained an enigma for most of the afternoon as Aldwinians seemed able to second guess the calls but some cunning linguistic alterations improved things and Charles got a flow of ball going. Some great organisation and driving work by the forwards made big gains as they drove up field only for the momentum to be lost by some unlucky decisions. A new half back combination saw the young and the old combine as Preece linked up with the youthful Hancock. The added pace gave the backs an edge and Poole and Weston took advantage of the space but could not create the overlap. A penalty before half time eased Aldwinians further ahead but the game was still for the taking. A number of substitutions including a new look front row was countered by Buxton’s resolve. Despite Uprichard and Fussell both carrying injuries they used their experience to disrupt the Aldwinians scrum and give Buxton a clear advantage in the scrums. Another penalty to Aldwinians seemed to have put the game beyond Buxton but they came out fighting. With Bosley acting as a one man battering ram, he smashed a hole in the defence. The wily Charles drew his man and put the flying Bennison in space. He burnt off the cover and scored beneath the posts. Charles calmly slotted the extras. A reinvigorated Buxton, sensing a win threw everything at Aldwinians. Dawson replaced the hard working Ritchie. Tarbuck who had an excellent debut on the wing pulled of a great tackle to turn defence into attack but despite the endeavour it all came to nothing as Aldwinians won turnover ball at the breakdown and a good piece of interplay took them sixty metres to score the decisive try. Buxton battled to the end and can be justly proud of the way that they played. The thirds played with pride and passion and deserved more. Things are improving game by game and with a little self belief and improved fitness the wins will come.

Buxton were: Edge, Uprichard, Fussell, Dilworth, Cavanagh, Bosely, Allen, Charles, Preece, Hancock, Ritchie (Dawson 45m) Weston, Poole, Tarbuck, Bennison

Apres Match

Twat in the hat - Well it had to be Mr Dilworth, though it would have been a joint award if Mr Bosley had been in court.

Man of the Match - Ex Captain my Ex Captain. Because its funny when he is very drunk.

Literacy Hour - Mr Charles and Mr Dilworth, for both not knowing how Enigma is spelt thus cocking up their jumping in the lineout.

Scrooge of the day goes to Sleepy for bringing 2 biscuits wraped in cling film as his contribution to the hamper we are collecting for for charity.

The whole team send their best wishes to Mr Bearman who was struck down by Man Flu hours before kick off and had to be rushed from the golf course to his bed. (Probably)

Whose Arse?

Whose arse is this? Winner will receive a lesson on how not to fall on a ball as somebody is about to kick it!

Thirds go down fighting 31-7 to Heaton Moor

After the lacklustre performance last week, the thirds produced a much grittier and determined display. If they could have kept the momentum going that they had built up in the first half to bring the scores to 12-7 then they could have gone on to win. As it was they ran out of steam and direction and in the end the score line did not reflect the effort that the thirds brought to the game.

Things began ominously however. Playing into a strong wind, some poor defence gifted Heaton Moor a couple of early tries and the flood gates threatened to open. Skipper Allen stiffened the resolve with some well chosen words and the fight back began. The front five laid down the platform, disrupting Moors ball and easily winning their own, but it was in the lineout in the first half that Buxton did damage. In difficult conditions Uprichards throwing was pinpoint accurate, with Dilworth and Charles claiming the lions share. On the Moor throw in Cavanagh at the back cleaned up and launched a series of drives at the heart of the Moor defence. Anything thrown to the front of the lineout was disrupted by Uprichard. With plentiful possession Buxton were able to establish some field position. From a lineout the pack marched Moor back thirty yards. Graham playing out of position used all his years of experience to create some space and Poole found Cliff Edge who pirouetted like a ballerina before executing an a la seconde and gliding gracefully over the line. Charles added the conversion and the thirds were back in the game.

The second half began poorly and the Thirds gifted Moor another simple try. Determined not to lie down they continued to fight. Bearman had his best game in the loose for a while running into defenders whilst man of the match Cavanagh was outstanding, either in defence or in dragging Buxton out of trouble with some powerful running. Weston and Cliff Edge combined well in the centres and Allen showed a touch of class with a neat sidestep and a turn of speed that made twenty metres. Ritchie and Gyte before injury forced him off were solid in defence. Rose and Dilworth made their presence felt in defence and attack, whilst Fussell and Charles cleaned up a lot of loose ball. As the clock ran down and the Thirds tried to run the ball from anywhere a comedy of errors gifted Moor another try and any chance of a fight back was lost. In the final seconds of the game Moor launched a final attack a try seemed certain until Seth pulled off the tackle of the game to stop the score.

At times discipline let the Thirds down and needless penalties were given away which disrupted the momentum, but this was a performance in a different league from the poor effort of last week. There was much to take heart from and if the good things can be sustained for more than twenty minutes then the Thirds will start to win again.

Buxton were – Bearman, Uprichard, Rose, Cavanagh, Fussell, Dilworth, Charles, Allen, Graham, Poole, Ritchie, Cliff Edge, Weston, D Gyte, Seth

Apres Match

Man of the Match James "Big Bird" Cavanagh. Awesome performance

Twat in the Hat Captain my Captain, for telling us that he had won the toss and that we were going to play down the hill and with the wind. Imagine our confusion when we found we were playing up the hill and into the wind. Well bless him he is only a Geographer.

Most ridiculous penalty Mr Graham. For sarcasm. Sarcasm! Howard sarcastic! Don't be ridiculous.

Whilst we are on the subject of referees, a word from the wise. There is not much point walking away from the referee and shouting I can't F***ing hear you. He is ilkely to lose his patience and feel around in his pockets for his little yellow card. Don't expect to get away with it a second time, you know who you are.

Strangest object found in kit bag. We will leave that to Mr Poole to explain. These backs though, its all true what they say. The moral of the tale is not to let the Beer monster wash your kit.

Lacklustre Thirds lose to Burnage

Buxton 5, Burnage 31

This was a lacklustre and at times spineless performance by the thirds. Their attitude was exemplified by the opening moments of the game when Burnage’s kick failed to make the ten metres. Buxton stood still waiting for the referee to give them the option of a scrum back or the kick off again. The ref did not blow straight away and as Buxton ambled towards the centre for the scrum the Burnage loose head picked up the ball and ran at empty space. Fortunately for the Thirds the ref had spotted the miss kick and eventually blew up in favour for a Buxton scrum but it set the tone for much of the game. The saving grace was the attitude of the young guns that to a man gave outstanding performances whilst their older more experienced peers took the afternoon off. Simon Hodson who scored Buxton’s only try was a beacon of effort and courage and Matt Austin playing out of position in the centre looked like a veteran requiring two or three defenders to take him down. Nick Ritchie was tireless in running out of defence and Ben and Gaz played their hearts out when they were given the opportunity. Apart from the effort and endeavour of the youngsters nothing really seemed to go right for the thirds. Some of the decisions were difficult to fathom. Dilworth leaked penalties only because he was omnipresent and always in the thick of it. Ali Bearman had his best game in open play, running at the heart of the Burnage defence all afternoon but even he was frustrated by some of the decisions. The Buxton scrum had its moments but crucially having won all its own set piece and taken two against the head contrived to lose one against the head twenty meters from the line allowing Burnage to score. That and an unfortunate miss kick just after half time that gifted Burnage a seven pointer swung the game.

The try came form the best passage of play that the thirds strung together. Charles and Bosley drove up field, and ran into traffic. The ball was recycled quickly Cavanagh took the ball on and off loaded to Hodson who first glided then smashed his way over. A the second half progressed so the thirds gave glimpses of how they can play. Gyte bulldozed his way through a few defenders, Bosley made some powerful runs, Poole made a couple of half breaks and Graham and Preece used all their experience to try and set things going. Taylor put himself about effectively until an ankle injury forced him off, but there was not enough urgency and in the end Burnage wanted the game more.

Buxton were; Rose, Fussell, Bearman, Cavanagh, Taylor, Bosely (R Sole), Dilworth, Charles, Preece, Stratford, N Ritchie, Graham, Weston, Ritchie, Hodson, Bennison, Austin, Gyte, Henderson, Henlan,Ben and Gaz

Apres Match

Man of the Match - Simon Hodson

Twat in the Hat - Could have been one from many, but it was Pooley by a short head.

Quote of the Day - "Your're a fucking arsehole" the ref to Brendan.

I heard

I heard that Dale McNicholas cried off on the Tuesday before the game because he had a cold. I heard that he was spotted in the Royal Oak in Chapel at the weekend looking pink and healthy.

I heard that Tim Charles devised a new penalty move and explained it to everyone before the game. I heard that in showing the players how it was done he fell flat on his face.

I heard that Mike Barber was playing. I heard that Mike Barber lost his temper with their smallest player and was sent to the Creche for ten minutes to cool down.

I heard that Tim Charles has been having boxing lessons down at Village Spartans. I heard that during the match he unleashed a gay slap at one of the Stockport players. I heard that Sir laughed so much that he forgot to send him to the the sin bin.

I heard that Geoff has been watching to much rugby on tele. I heard that he took a quick throw in to himself five metres from his own line. I heard that things didn't work out to well.

I heard that Captain our Captain can't count. I heard that he thought Buxton were two points ahead when they scored the final try. I heard he told TC not to worry about his kick. (That's what TC is saying anyway)

I heard that Gytie had to order court back into session. I heard that he was not happy about the quality of the Jack Daniels that a certain traffic cop had brought with him. I heard that when asked to taste it Scottie said straight away "its tastes of piss". I heard that Mr Scrimshaw confessed that it was piss he had collected from his dog. I heard that he was made to drink it.

Sounds like a great day, I'm only sorry I missed it.

England vs South Africa, disallowed try

Judge for yourself. Does anyone know Dickinson's address?

Kenny Rogers - The Gambler

Is this the next English Rugby Anthem?

How to Shower: Women vs. Men

A little bit of light entertainment before saturday nights tension.

France VS England (update) defeat

Carrington 2nds v Buxton 3rds

Buxton 3rds arrived at Carrington with hopes of lifting their game after last week's disappointment. The opening 5 minutes saw the Buxton pack dominate in the loose and the backs gaining territory each time the ball was passed wide. Carrington defended well kicking from inside the twenty two at every opportunity setting the tone for the rest of the game. A knock on from Buxton gave the opposition clean ball from the scrum and a break away try was scored against the run of play. With points on the board Carrington played with increasing confidence scoring twice more before the interval. Buxton began the second half with renewed vigour Uprichard, Austin and Bearman taking complete control of the scrum and Charles claiming ball after ball from the line out. Buxton kept possession with Henderson, Bird, Dilworth and Allen driving ball after ball forward. When Carrington had the chance to kick, touch was rarely found with Bennison and Gyte in particular not missing an opportunity to catch the ball and run back aggressively into the opponents half. Poole, Graham and Weston joined by Wilson after the break kept the ball moving along the line and together with Ritchie defended well when the opposition took the ball in hand. First Bird followed by Austin then Wilson looked as though they would score being held just short of the line. Finally Preece with a trade mark dummy gave Buxton their first deserved points, Charles narrowly missing the conversion. Taylor and Annison joined the battle and immediately found themselves in the heart of the action. With the clock ticking and Buxton in need of points a penalty kick was declined and a scrum taken. The ball again was knocked forward, Carrington won the subsequent scrum, the ball was kicked over the tiring Buxton defence and a try scored.
A final score of 24-5 did not do justice for the effort that the Buxton team put into this game particularly in the second half. However, heart should be taken from the game and carried forward to next week when Stockport 4ths visit Sunnyfields.
Buxton would like to wish Carrington well for the next round of the Halbro Plate Competition.
The team was - Bearman, Austin, Uprichard, Dilworth, Bird, Taylor, Henderson, Charles, Allen (c), Preece, Poole, Graham, Weston, Wilson, Ritchie, Gyte Bennison and Annison.

SuperJohnnykickedfantasticbeauxiswasatrocious

Awesome fucking awesome. Allez les blancs. Bring on the South Africans, Bring on the Argies, bring on both of them at the same time. It just proves if you have the belief you can do anything. William the Conqueror, Petain, Foch, Clemenceau, Mitterand, Louis XIV your boys took a hell of beating.

Match Report v Buxton

DERBYSHIRE FIRE AND RESCUE SERVICE
RUGBY SECTION

Saturday 16th August 2007, Buxton 3rds (/2nds/1sts) 12 V DRFRS 21

Derbyshire FRS began the ’07 –’08 season with a friendly (oxymoron!) game against Buxton, itching for revenge from their defeat last season! Typical Buxton weather of rain and wind made you forget it was summer!
Fire started without many of the faces from last season, due to shifts and holidays we had an embarrassment of forwards but not many known backs. This proved to be our making!
The game started with Fire receiving the kick and instantly making their mark on the game, our forwards constantly driving thru’ the middle of Buxton and having several exciting passages of play, sometimes having 6, 7, 8, or more phases and gaining ground like billy-ho! Lets here it for the extinct but yet strangely arisen DODO’s, a second row of Divisional Officers Drew and Curry with a combined age of 92!! They saw off their much younger and fitter Buxton counterparts, Dave Drew turning a great ‘Lawrence Dallaglio’ like resurrection after several years away from the game and Bob Curry ‘accidentally’ turning an opponents nose into a very red and sore garish chocolate fountain look-alike! The same could be said of Retained Firefighter Paul Boon from Bakewell (flanker and second row), Val Morrel (No. 8 and scrum half) and Mark Leatherland (second row) both from Ascot Drive, all away from the game for a while, but still turning in excellent performances.
This concentrated effort very soon paid off with Silvano Francisco deservedly scoring Fire’s first try with yet great individual break, Jim Barber’s svelte kicking making the score a deserved 7- 0.
With the pack making so much ground it was a long wait for the backs to receive any ball, notwithstanding that when the ball did go wide, Andy Holmes, Andy Rowse, Stan Williamson and Wayne Dilworth all made excellent runs. A mention must be made here to Tristan Nesbitt from Graphics, hasn’t played since school, endured the weather on the wing and had a terrific game; we need more support staff to join us!
Yet more concentrated effort from the pack saw a 2nd and then a 3rd try both from Chris Bailey, these again converted by Jim Barber. Fire overwhelmed Buxton in the first half, with only 1 incursion of any depth into our half and this firmly stopped by solid defensive work.
Several changes during the break for both teams saw Fire a little lacking in fluency to begin with and Buxton bringing on numerous 1st team players, this apparent straight after the restart when their tasty fly-half collected our kick and ran a mean streak thru’ fire to score an excellent goal, this was converted to make the scores 7 – 21, and it looked as though the Buxton changes were going to make a game of 2 contrasting half’s. Worry thee not dear reader, for as ever, Fire’s defence began to solidify and although Buxton enjoyed more possession and territorial advantage than the first half, only one more try came from them, this conversion being missed to make the final score Buxton 15 V DFRS 21.
What a brilliant effort from all involved, no training, no tactics (as such) and no time to gel, though gel we did! And several old warhorses being admirable in effort and execution!
And it must be remembered that everyone ENJOYED IT!

A performance to reassure all and sundry that this team goes from strength to strength.

Further positive news is that:
Ben Heanue (Fixtures secretary) has several games planned and we hope to print a fixtures list to allow players and supporters more time to organise joining in.

Ben Smart, Silv Francisco, Matt Shimwell, Rob Leverton and Nigel Measures have been invited down to England Fire Service Rugby Section Trials on the 26th September at Stourbridge RFC in the West Midlands; with the potential of joining Chris Bailey and John Heggie who are existing England Rugby Section players.
Succeed or otherwise, let’s wish these lads good fortune.

Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrust upon 'em."
Billy the Bard – Twelfth Night, circa 1600AD

With shifts, family and other commitments, we still need more people from retained, support staff, in fact ALL parts of the service, to come along and try us out, most people come back for more! So………….
Please contact:
Captain - Chris Bailey, Blue Watch, Chesterfield
Vice Captains – Ben Smart, White Watch, Ascot Drive For
Wayne Dilworth, Red Watch, Buxton more
Rob Leverton, Green Watch, Alfreton information or advice!
Greg Fletcher, Blue Watch, Chesterfield

Rugby Fact:”The only way to gain ground is to run or kick. Throwing or knocking the ball forward is not permissible.”

The Greatest Moment in Rugby History

Full time as England beat Australia, again.

Newport beat the All Blacks

Smiling on the other side of the World!

Um. Good job he wasn't playing for us last saturday.

Thirds go down heavily to Spartans

Buxton 7 Village Spartans 65

Buxton travelled to Village Spartans on the back of two successive wins and looking to make it three in a row. They came unstuck from the kick off as Spartans exploited their superior pace out wide to run in a try and the Thirds realised that they were in for a long hard afternoon and some backs to the wall defence.

There was little passion in the way that Buxton played. Though they were dominant in the set pieces they could not capitalise on this. Time and time again good set piece ball was turned over by the Spartans who were dangerous on the counter attack, and the game was over as a contest after twenty minutes. Buxton then had their best passage of play either side of half time, getting stuck into the opposition and taking the ball back at them through the forwards. Charles set up an opportunity for Graham offloading out of the tackle but the ball was spilled forward. Dilworth tackled for all he was worth and Poole pulled off some try saving hits. Buxton got some relief as they drove the Spartans scrum back on their twenty-two and Preece exploited the narrowest of gaps threaded his way through to score under the posts. The try was converted. It was a short-lived revival though as Spartans came back and only some brave defending from Allen and Henderson keep them out.

Rose, Uprichard and Fussell exploited their strength upfront and the Spartans front row was forced to go down on numerous occasions and Uprichard found Charles every time as Buxton won all their line out ball.

Graham had one of his trademark breaks but with a three to one overlap outside he chose to come inside and the move withered. Weston Ritchie and Stratford did what they could to stem the tide and Weston had one strong break before the move died for lack of support.

It was the thirds worst performance of the season, with little passion or commitment shown. They were out played by a fitter and on the day better side and it will take a major change in attitude to turn things round.


Buxton were; Rose,Uprichard,Fussell,Barber,Dilworth, Allen, Charles,Henderson,Preece,Poole,Ritchie,Weston,Graham,Harrison, Stratford

Overheard

"Thats the biggest dicking I've ever had" Captain our Captain

Twat in the hat - lots of candidates, Mick Barber came close for getting locked in the club house before we left but in the end it had to be Howard Graham.

Buxton 7 Village Spartans a hell of a lot more

Oh Dear. We did not really get out of the changing room (closet?). We were well beaten, usual excuses.

They were;

Younger
Faster
Fitter
Sir was a little bit bias towards them.


Full report to follow. And we are bottom now as Sandbach beat somebody.

Pics of the home game 29/09/07

Buxton Win but score nil points

Buxton Thirds 29 Old Bedians 10

The Thirds recorded their second win on the trot with a convincing victory against an Old Bedians side that arrived with only eleven players and a under strength front row. Buxton lent them players to make the game fifteen aside, and then had to shore up their front row in the opening minutes due to an injury. With superior firepower up front, Buxton squeezed the Bedians scrum at every opportunity. Rose, Bearman and Pearce combined well, with the power of Dilworth and Barber driving Bedians back at every opportunity.

Buxton dominated the opening exchanges, and through a series of drives and aggressive set pieces gained territory. The back row was quick to the breakdown, Wain in particular turning over a lot of ball. From a five-metre scrum on the Old Bedians line Buxton forced the scrum back. As the scrum began to disintegrate, instead of driving over the line the quick thinking Preece darted for the line and when he was held ,Allen drove over to open the Thirds account.

With Baker, Barber and Dilworth running at the heart of the defence Bedians were having to defend with everything they had. A sweeping backs move saw first Graham make some ground before Wilson came into the line at pace to score Buxtons second.

Old Bedians hit back with a try of their own and a penalty, but Buxton upped the pressure. Another five-metre scrum destroyed the Bedians pack and Charles touched down, converting his own score.

The second half brought little relief for Bedians. Buxton’s tackling was aggressive and the ball was consistently turned over to provide opportunities to run the ball back. Poole had an exemplary kicking game and knew when to release his backs. Dan Gyte chased everything and was unlucky not to score. Eventually Buxton’s power told and man of the match Wain powered over to score Buxton’s fourth.

Not to be out done, Poole finished off a sweeping backs move, converted by Turner and Bedians were buried. This was another good performance from the thirds, who travel to Village Spartans this Saturday in confident mood.. A big thank you to the players who played for Bedians; Ian Henderson, Toby Stuart Jervis, Ryan, Matt Slimming, Brendan Bosley, Ollie Chelton, Simon Fussell, Dan Rose and John Baker Pearce.

Despite the win the Thirds have been docked 4 points by the league. I guess we expected it. All the more important to go and beat Village Spartans on Saturday.

Man of the Match was Kieran Wain.





Buxton were; Rose (Fussell 40m), Bearman, Baker Pearce (S Gyte 60min), Fussell (Barber 5m), Dilworth, Wain, Allen, Charles, Preece, Poole, Ritchie (Turner 55m) D Gyte, Graham, Dawson, Bennison, (Wilson 15m)

Two in a row!

Buxton Thirds 29 Old Bedians 10

Match report to follow, but another huge effort by the Thirds after all the turmoil of the past couple of days.

A big thank you to all the Buxton players (second team especially) turned out of Bedians who arrived with 11 players and a dodgy front row.

A Tribute to our Skipper

You led the Thirds to a great victory today. Despite all the shit you had to put up with yesterday and this morning you got your team sorted and played a blinder yourself. We salute you Captain our Captain, we are proud to play for you.

points to date

The trusty boot of Tim (JW) Charles makes him top points scorer but Tom Edge is leading try scorer with 2. Which i'm told is 2 more than his dad ever scored !!

T Charles 16
T Edge 10
S Gyte, G Strattford, N Bennison, Wain jnr & Lomas all on 5

Swedish Game Show Host Vomits Live On Air

She must have been drinking that Chinese Shit!

Thirds storm to victory to retain the boot

Buxton 44 Sandbach 8

Buxton recorded there first win of the season against a combative Sandbach side that fought hard all afternoon but ran out of stream in the second half. Sandbach arrived with only one prop and so in order to keep the scrums contested Buxton players Rose and Fussell played a half each for Sandbach in the front row.
It was an edgy start by Buxton. However they soon began to dominate the scrums and with Stratford controlling things at half back and Poole making a welcome return in the centres Buxton began to edge the possession and territory.
A series of drives took the thirds into the Sandbach twenty two and with Sandbach living on the edge of the offside rule a penalty was inevitable. Charles stepped up and slotted the points.
Buxton fumbled the ball at the kick off and Sandbach got some rare clean ball. They used it effectively but first Ritchie and then Graham hauled down his opposite number and Dilworth scavenged possession with Poole making the clearance kick. Taylor stole the line out and Buxton rumbled their way back into Sandbach territory. Wit Preece taking over at scrum half, quick passing gave Stratford a sniff of an opening and he glided through for Buxton’s first try.
With Bearman, Edge and Fussell controlling things upfront, Sandbach were living off scraps and for much of the half kicked the ball into the Buxton half, only for the excellent and secure Moss to run the ball back at them. Eventually they strung a move together and managed to conjure a try from the bits and pieces and converted a penalty to level the scores.
As half time loomed Edge who had been impressive all afternoon both in the loose and set piece crashed over for a try and Charles slotted the conversion. Buxton turned round 15-8 ahead at half time.
Rose came back to join the Buxton scrum and Fussell went off to shore up the Sandbach effort. Buxton began to dominate the lose with the backrow winning the battle of the break down. The changes at half time worked well and with Bennison exploiting weaknesses with aggressive and strong running he exploited space down the wing to burn off the cover defence and put Wain in the clear for an excellently taken try after mesmerising the Sandbach defence for one of his own.
Sandbach were staring over the precipice as in between the forwards got in on the act. First Allen and Charles drove off the back of a scrum only for Charles to be turned over on his back as he crossed the line. The relief for Sandbach was temporary. The thirds edged their way back and a thundering scrum from five metres out gave Charles the score that the pack wanted and minutes later Edge bounced off the defence for his second. Buxton were not finished and after a trademark Preece break had seemed to come to nothing, the omnipresent Charles found his backs and Lomas burst through the defence for a try.
Beeley made an impact in the second half splintering the defence and sapping the fight from Sandbach and Dan Gyte was at his bruising best for fifty minutes. The Thirds defence lead by the Skipper Allen was hard and robust through out. All in all an excellent performance, hopefully the first of many.
Training Monday and Thursday 7.00pm at the Club. Be there if you can.

Buxton were; Bearman, Edge, Fussell (Rose 40mins), McNicholas, Taylor(Dilworth 40mins), Dilworth (Beeley 40mins), Allen, Charles, Bennison (Preece 20mins), Stratford, Ritchie (Wain 40mins), Poole, Graham (Bennison 20mins) Gyte (Lomas 55mins), Moss

Buxton 44 Sandbach 8

But Tom Edge had nothing to do with it.Match report to follow :)

monty python drinking song

Buxton Thirds lose at home

Buxton 3rd XV 0, Knutsford 2nd XV 29

This was a greatly improved performance by the thirds, helped by an injection of Youth, against a Knutsford side that had put 69 points on Sandbach the previous weekend. The introduction of Joe Lomas, Kieran Wain and Nick Ritchie for their third team debuts boosted the side. They all played outstandingly well and made significant contributions at key moments.

A new look front row of Edge, the veteran Uprichard and Rabbitts dominated their opposite numbers and the Buxton scrum provided a plentiful source of possession all afternoon.

At times Buxton’s tackling and commitment was outstanding. Charles covered acres of ground and Allen put in some telling hits. One in particular drove back the Knutsford scrum half 15 metres. Fussell and Taylor, and then Dilworth worked hard In the second row to give a solid platform.

Knutsford found it hard to break Buxton down through the centres, Lomas and Wain putting in tackle after tackle.

Bennison was excellent at full back. He was poised and secure under the high ball and counter attacked effectively gaining hard won yards for the thirds. Geoff Ritchie tackled well all afternoon, and Nick Ritchie had a couple of useful counterattacks.

Graham and Stratford worked smoothly together but though chances were created the thirds could not capitalise and get on the score sheet. Even the introduction of Gyte in the second half could not provide the necessary spark.

In the end Buxton failed to play to their strengths, and despite the possession won could not capitalise on this. The only way forward is to work it out on the training park, Monday’s and Thursday’s 7.00pm up at Sunnyfield. All players, young, old , experienced or inexperienced welcome. Give Chris a call on 07764269273.

Buxton were: Edge, Uprichard, Rabbitts, Fussell, Taylor (Dilworth), Allen, Dilworth (Gyte), Charles, Graham, G Ritchie, Joe, Wain, N Ritchie, Bennison

Bubonic Plague outbreak at World Cup opening match

Buxton Third XV 7 Congleton Second XV 47

The thirds opened their league campaign with a bare fifteen and came up against a well-drilled youthful Congleton side full of inventive running and with plenty of subsitutes. The game began with Buxton dominating the opening exchanges. From the kick off Buxton hammered into their opposition. The veteran Gyte knocked back a couple with big hits and a series of drives took Buxton deep into the Congleton 22. Fussell made a powerful run through several defenders and the ball was recycled with first Charles and then Barber having a go. Buxton opted for a scrum instead of a penalty and despite the ball being scrappy they held onto possession and set the ball up again. Gyte using his experience and power crashed over to open the scoring and Charles slotted the extras.

Congleton hit back through some scrappy Buxton defence. An innocuous scrum forty metres out turned into a nightmare for the thirds as the Congleton scrum half spotted a gap and raced through to score. Though they failed with the conversion it was just a taste of things to come. Lack of pre season training and advancing years took their toll, as Congleton lapped up the possession and though sheer pace out wide were able to run in a stack of tries.

As usual there was no lack of effort from the thirds. Captain Allen led by example and he Charles and Barber tackled themselves to a standstill. Bennison was outstanding all afternoon, whether running the ball out of defence or putting in try saving tackles

Buxton had chances. In the dying moments of the first half, Preece spotted a gap and was clean through only to trip, the ball being lost before the support arrived. A half break by Graham was carried on by Weston but with a overlap and Ritchie and Dawson out wide he failed to make the pass and the move died.

The last ten minutes saw Buxton defending their line heroically. They snuffed out wave after wave of attacking moves. Uprichard put in a try saving tackle and Bearman and Dilworth spoiled much of Congleton’s possession on the ground.

The lineout function effectively with Taylor winning some ball, but his untimely injury disrupted things and limited the options. Dawson showed briefly what he could do but had little in the way of possession to build on it. Ritchie never gave up and fitted into the back row in the last few minutes as injuries began to mount.

Though disappointed by the result the thirds should take heart from a brave performance. The defence improved dramatically in the second half and on the little possession that they had they created opportunities and were never afraid to take the ball to the opposition. If they are to turn things round however they need to work some of the basics out on the training field on Mondays and Thursdays 7.00pm at the club.

Buxton Thirds were; Bearman,Uprichard,Fussell,Barber,Dilworth,Gyte,Allen ©,Charles,Preece, Graham, Dawson, Weston, Ritchie, Taylor, Bennison

Training

Seriously excellent training session last night (Thursday) Only three from the thirds though! Its a shame because we a wasting an opportunity. Give it a go.

Further Information Re: Fire Service Game

Meet at club 12:00 for 15:00 K.O. Sounds early but perhaps we should try a few moves (like running and passing) before the game. Mr Dilworth has organised a full team and is expecting a tough game - lets not disappoint! Food is being laid on at the club after the game.

PS. Mr Dilworth says the Buxton pack are a bunch of fairies!!!!!!

Training Game 18th August 2007

Derbyshire Fire Service have once again agreed to a 'friendly' at Sunnyfields on the 18th August as a pre season warm up. Anybody wishing to play and have the oppurtunity of some eary 'hits' on Mr. Dillworth please contact me. Thanks Wayne for organising the game.
Times and further details to follow.

Going Ape

Tuesday 31st 12 brave men when tree climbing! A great time had by all at "Go Ape" up in Pooles cavern woods. Jack Barber and Chris Dilworth leading the way all the way round. Jack was heard to say "I hate heights" as he leapt from yet another tree 30 feet above the ground.
One ex captain deceided terra firma was better than tree tops and completed only half the coarse.
One ex captain flew down the zip wires and landed with all the grace of a baby rhino ice skating.
Watching a certain mature student cross the 'rope stirrups' was a site never to be forgot.
A certain fireman drew the comment "Brain dead" from a member of staff.
Afterwards a drink or three was had. However, our new captain would not let another ex captain go home until he found walking and speaking almost impossible.

Fun day on the push bike

A typical English summer day for our fund rising bike ride !!!

This weeks poser

What is the connection between

and

and?

Answers by 20th July 2007. There maybe prizes!

Bike Ride update

Successfully completed, despite the weather

King of the Mountains - Wayne Preece

Moan of the Mountains - Wayne Dilworth.

Photos to follow.

Support the Lads

No its not another caption competition! On 30 June these intrepid cyclists will set off from Sunnyfields and cycle 50 miles to raise money for the NSPCC. So Sponsor them by phoning 0781 3671161.

For more information about the NSPCC and the event go to their website at www.nspcc.org.uk/bigbikeride

Funny Commercials II

Photo Competition No 3

Last weeks winner has asked to remain anon and kindly donated his prize for this weeks. So go on have a go and you might be the lucky winner of a guided tour round Fernilea with Captain our Captain. Closing date 23 June 2007

Pre Season Training Program June 2007

Monday 18th - SAQ/Agility Training. Handling Session 1

Front Row Session - Technique/Body Position/Roles and Responsibilities



Thursday 21st - Body Management in Contact



Monday 25th - SAQ/Agility Training. Handling Session 2

Back Three Session (Wingers/Fullbacks) - Role in defence/attack with Blitz and Drift Defence



Thursday 28th - Organizing a Blitz Defence1

Training Moves from Tuesday to Monday

Club training has moved from Tuesday to Monday evening 19:00 - 20:30.

The coaching team have issued a pre season program which will be posted later.

Caption Competition No 2

No winners from the previous week!

Better luck this week. Closes 16th June. Prize is a guided tour round Fernilee with Captain our Captain.

First League game of 2007/08

1 September 2007 Away to Congleton 2

Caption Competition No 1

Post a suitable caption to go with this photograph of Tim "Nice but Dim" and AUP discussing tactics in the changing room. Closing date 9th June 2007. There will be a prize for the best one but you might not want it!

Dinner Dance Photos

Our very own transvestite geordie

Prize winners or three men in the wall?
A happy ex captain my captain and his lady wife

Captain my captain in familar pose.

Change to League Rules

First of all I would like to say how nice it was to see so many of the 3rd team at training last night but........I can't
At the league AGM , there was a motion put forward to give the winning team 3pts and not 4 if they went uncontested at anytime during the game , unfortunately this motion was narrowly defeated.

Training

Tommy , the 1st team capt , has invited us to a training session next Tues 29th May at 7pm , 3 of us have been turning up on a regular basis, but it would be nice to see more up there , please make an effort to attend

Annual Dinner

Thirds Player of the Season - Dan Gyte

Best Newcomer - Jonny Dawson

Well done Mike for a great season!

Good luck Chris for next season.

Jonny Dawson writes:

Thanks for a great season and all the help and encouragement from EVERYONE in the team and on the sidelines too.
Thanks for the cup,it’s the first one I have been awarded ………I hope there’s more!!
Good luck Chris it looks as though you are it !!!

Leek Match Report

Ex Captain my captain asked me to do it this week so here goes.


Which idiot brought leek and potato soup (dried!) along for the theme? You must have known what Gytie would do with it. Thank f**k we drank all that chinese shit two weeks ago. I come over all clammy and bilious just thinking about that as a combination in a glass.

As for the game. Well Howies break was a classic. A shuffle,a burst of what can laughingly pass as speed at his age and then of course the finish. Poor old Geoff screaming for the ball and HG gives it to the opposition! Bugger. Full marks to Gytie for thoroughly winding up their hooker. He did an excellent job. Of course Captain my Captain had to get in on the act and only the restraining influence of one or two of the senior players stopped him punching the living daylights out of some poor little prop. One sending of on a saturday is enough for the club thank you very much.

To be fair we stuck at it all afternoon and with only fourteen men against fifteen! Maybe it was game too far. At least it enabled Phil Preece to record the shortest ever retirement. No games missed!

Anyway I've thoroughly enjoyed the season, well done Mike Barber you've done a great job and I can't wait to hear your speech at the annual dinner. I don't believe for one moment that you will bottle out and get Tim Charles to do it for you.

Apres Match

Changing room moment - Benno inserting his finger covered with some fiery thai balm into Dillys nether regions. Dilly now qualifies for the Brokeback Mountain Golden finger award. (To be presented at the Annual Dinner by James Weston and Dan Gyte.)

Man of the Match - Wayne Dilworth (Tay was a close second)

Twat of the Day - Howard. A no brainer for anyone who saw his intercepted pass.(Though who ever forgot to get us a referee should have got it really) If it hadn't been for Dave Robinson we would have been in the bar two hours earlier.

Really cruel moment - Dave Robinson for denying Gytie his try.

The first team - They are better rugby players than they are women!

Well thats about it for another season. No doubt our Captain in Waiting has plenty of exciting things lined up for us.

I very much doubt that the Advertiser will print this but you never know.

Buxton Thirds 0 Leek 3rds 50

Fourteen man Buxton battled bravely against a well organsied Leek side but came off second best.

Match Report to follow;

Buxton were; Fussell, Uprichard, Wilkinson, Dilworth, Barber, Taylor, Gyte, Preece, Graham, Lomas,Weston,Ritchie, Bennison

Leaning Tower of Pizza

And one for the front row

A fly half, a wing forward, and a prop forward were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The fly half says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought 300 pounds worth of meat because it was on special offer, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in."
The wing forward agreed that she sounded pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent 17,000 pounds on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The prop forward nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife is so stupid, she was leaving to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a penis!"

A Penguin Joke

A penguin is driving through Arizona on a hot summer's day when he notices his oil light is on. He gets out of the car and, sure enough, it's leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drives around the corner to a service station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it.
The mechanic says he has a few others to look at first but if he comes back in an hour he can tell the penguin what is wrong with his car. The penguin agrees and goes for a walk. He finds an ice cream shop and thinks a big bowl of vanilla ice cream will really hit the spot since he's a penguin and its Arizona in the summer, after all. He sits down at the counter and starts in on his ice cream. Of course he has no hands so it is rather messy.
By the time he is done he has ice cream all over his flippers and his mouth --a total mess. He walks back to the service station and says to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replies,
"It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No no," says the penguin. "It's just ice cream."

Next Season's Captain?

So who is it to be then?

Will Mike Barber stay on for a second year?

Does Tim Charles fancy another go?

Will it be Chris Allen?

I think we should be told. Soon. Before the annual dinner.

Out and About

The Councillor, Andy Uprichard was out and about on Saturday handing out leaflets in Spring Gardens. He was joined by Tom Levitt MP and Dave Miliband MP. Were they there to talk about Labours prospects in the forthcoming local elections? Fortress Lillipuit can exclusively reveal that Andy was recruiting for next season's front row! He believes that Miliband, Uprichard, Levitt offers a more stable platform on which to anchor next seasons pack.

Overheard, "Its good to come to a constituency where we have a chance of winning!" (Their own ball presumably.)

David Miliband did confirm that he had no intention of challenging Chris Allen for the captaincy of the thirds once Mike Barber decides to step down later this month. He is quite happy to work under Chris and concentrate on his technique.

Buxton make hay in the Sun

Buxton rounded off their first season in the league with a resounding and emphatic win over bottom of the table Sandbach and gave Phil Preece the perfect retirement present as well as retaining the “boot”. It was vital that Buxton got off to a good start and from the off the pack asserted itself, the front row of Bearman, Uprichard and Wilkinson sorting out their opposite numbers. The thirds had a good supply of ball all game and this was a major building block in their victory. The first try came from a scrum. Buxton had worked their way into the Sandbach twenty-two with a series of drives through Charles, and Allen. With a scrum fifteen metres out Charles picked up from the base of the scrum and supported by the pack crashed over. The conversion was missed but the thirds had laid down a marker. Sandbach hit back with a soft try and for a few minutes Buxton lost concentration and focus. But with the forwards providing plenty of possession through the scrum and Taylor winning lots of ball in the lineout the backs began to make some ground. Stratford was in imperious form. His kicking to touch was excellent but it was with the ball in hand that he shone. With Preece providing him with sweet passes he varied his options nicely. A half break by Stratford put Weston in space and with tacklers hanging off him he found W Preece who slipped the ball inside to Bennison. On a firm pitch he burned off the remaining defence to score under the posts. Tim Charles added a conversion. Sandbach came back into the game and Dawson pulled of a couple of crucial tackles. Sandbach tried to breach the line through their forwards and after one effort they were held up just short of the line. In the end all they had to show from their efforts were three points from a penalty, but as the half came to a close it was Buxton who were in the ascendancy. From a lineout the pack marched Sandbach back thirty metres. They launched a series of attacks but could not make the final pass. Weston was unfortunately injured just before the end of the half and Buxton went into half time 12- 8 up.

Buxton dominated the second half. Wilkinson made some storming runs and Bosley broke through several tackles. Preece snipping from the base of the scrum made a twenty metre break but was hauled down just short of the line. Again Buxton set up camp on the Sandbach line and drove their pack back over the line to give Charles a simple score. He converted his own try.

Stratford began to run the defence ragged. One spectacular break made thirty metres as he weaved his way between would be tacklers. With only the full back to beat his speculative pass found a Sandbach player and the move died. Buxton continued to dominate and the backs began to punch holes in the Sandbach defence. Paul “Mincer” Robson glided through tacklers before coming to grief a few metres from the line and a trademark Preece break made thirty metres before being halted, The Sandbach line had to be breached eventually and it was Phil Preece who on sixty minutes found the key to unlock it. He spotted a gap after an off load from Charles and as Jason Robinson did for Sale on Friday night, scored a try on his last game for the thirds. The excellent Wilkinson was replaced by Fussell coming back on at tight head, and the Buxton scrum continued to force Sandbach back. Another sparkling back move instigated by the Preece Stratford axis put Wayne Preece over in the corner and the game was beyond the reach of Sandbach. Buxton continued to press. Stratford broke from the half way line finding Bennison in space. He made ground and passed to Dan Gyte. Taking the ball off his toes Gyte set the alarm bells ringing before being forced into touch. It was one of a number of strong runs by the ever-improving winger. Ritchie made some hard yards and McNicholas took over lineout duties from Taylor and carried on the excellent work. Stevie Gyte came on to replace the hard working Dilworth and put himself about with great effect.

It was an excellent way to round off the season. The thirds showed what they can do and have a lot to look forward to next season. Man of the match Phil Preece had an outstanding final game and he played more like a man who was starting the beginning of a thirty year playing career rather than ending it.



Bearman, Uprichard, Wilkinson (Fussell 60m), Dilworth (S Gyte 70m), Taylor, (McNicholas 40m) Allen, Fussell (Bosley 40m) Charles, Preece, Stratford, Dawson (Ritchie 55m), Weston (Robson 35m), W Preece, D Gyte, Bennison

Buxton 28

Tries, Charles 2, P Preece 1, W Preece 1, Bennison 1
Cons, Charles 2

Sandbach 8

Apres Match

Man of the Match was Phil Preece, though Gareth Stratford and Wilko ran him close.

TC was twat of the day - no competition for that one.

The Bearmonster made a nuisance of himself throughout court and the Mincer clearly fancies himself as a judge. The problem being though that no one has a clue what he is talking about.

Howie took some excellent photographs, even though he had only just got back from Bulgaria and was clearly suffering from some mystery virus.

Gytie was a little bit creative with the truth about a certain golf ball and a certain glass of black currant juice.

Wayne Dilworth needs to re read the list of things that you are not mean't to do on the night before an important game of rugby.

Can we please destroy all remaining bottles of that Chinese piss!

Photos from Saturdays Game v Sandbach

Buxton Third XV v Sandbach 14 April 2007

The man of the moment

A classic break

Preece signs off in Style

Buxton 29 Sandbach 8

Anything Jason Robinson can do, Phil Preece can do to. He played a key part in Buxton's emphatic victory over Sandbach and scored a classic scrum half try to seal the win.

Full match report to follow

A striking similarity!

Sebestien Chabal

Neanderthal man

Training Wednesday 11th April 7.00pm

Its vitally important that as many as possible go training on Wednesday.

We have one more league match left

Its against Sandbach.

Its at home.

Its for the boot.

Its Phil Preece's last game.

BE THERE!

Holmes Chapel Match Report

It’s hard te write much tha is constructive aboot a 69-3 defeat. The weather wez fine, but the pitch tee wide! Holmes Chapel had an efficient an effective set of backs tha the thirds made gandie much betta than they were bi refusing te dunsh them fre the forst twenty minutes. Had April fool’s dyah come sharp ? Things looked ominous during the warm up. Buxton ernly had fourteen. Holmes Chapel had 8 substitutes. Acting skipper Tim Charles put his best diplomatic foot forward an asked if Holmes Chapel could lend weh a player. They thowt long an hard aboot it an eventually agreed. Thank yee Joe. Fre once the pack struggled. The front ra of Bearman, Fussell an Wilkinson battled bravely aal afternoon, an an unfamiliar second ra of Dilworth an Allen bust a gut te gis the pack some stability. Charles marshalled the new lads in the back ra Weston an Dawson but wi slow an poor quality possession, leif ootseid the scrum wez difficult. Stratford had little time te cle-ah his lines an though McCoy battered his way through a few tackles the baal could not be retained. Wilkinson returning frem injury wez in magnificent form scything doon thor runners but wi tee many forst up tackles missed bi the rest o the team Homes Chapel were oot of seit bi horf time. Preece had a couple of runs, recalling the golden age of his youth, but without support they ended in turn ower baal an the initiative wez lost. Paul “Mincer” Robson wez solid at stowed back an Nick Bennison had a glittering second horf , making breaks an putting in try saving tackles. Ritchie had his best game fre the thirds tackling valiantly when ever anyone cyame his way. The thirds foond some pride in the second horf an a series of driving mauls put them close te the Holmes Chapel line. The lineout went astray an the opportunity te score a try wez lost. The thirds hev one more game te gan te finish off thor forst league campaign. Its on 14th March. Its at hyem against Sandbach. Its Phil Preece’s final game, wi need ne other incentive te roond o the season wi a resounding win.

Buxton were – Bearman, Fussell, Wilkinson, Dilworth, Allen, Weston, Dawson, Charles, Preece, Stratford, Joe, Bennison, McCoy, Ritchie, Robson

A git big thank yee te Paul Mincer Robson fre acting as the judge fre the court, held at the New Inn at Flash. He did a grand job though te be honnest he wez more confused aboot what wez gannin on than the rest of weh . Wilko got gadgie o the match The Beermonster got twat o the dyah .

Buxton Slump to a Heavy Defeat at Holmes Chapel

Buxton lost 3 - 69 to a strong and well organised Holmes Chapel side on saturday. Match report to follow.

Thirds will continue in the League Next Season

Just to squash any rumours that may have been doing the rounds, Pat Leahy confirmed to me this morning that the thirds will still be in the league next season.

Regards

Caption Competition No 103

"Once you finished yours you can have mine if you want"

Thirds lose 29-14 to Didsbury

The thirds ran out of steam in the final ten minutes allowing Didsbury to pull clear. Up until that point it had been a close fought affair, with Buxton thirds getting to within 14 - 15. Skipper Mike Barber had a number of selection problems to sort out as he lost three players before the start for various reasons. The Thirds started strongly with a dominant pack getting the upper hand in the set pieces. Bearman, Uprichard and Austin outplayed their opposite numbers for most for the afternoon. Uprichard was a revelation around the park, attacking the lose ball and tackling around the fringes. But it was Didsbury who took an early lead through a well-worked move that left the Buxton defence flat footed. Once Weston, deputising at fly half found his feet however, he began to get the backs moving forward. Charles Fussell playing his first game for eighteen years was solid and composed in the centre and formed a useful partnership with Dan Gyte. Buxton’s first try came from a set piece move. After Barber had made some hard yards the forwards drove into the Didsbury twenty-two. From the resulting scrum Charles picked up from the back of the scrum and sent the defence to the right. He found Simon Fussell on his inside. Fussell crashed through the remains of the defence from fifteen metres to score a well worked try. Charles converted. Didsbury hit back and despite some excellent defence by Paul and Gyte they found gaps and worked their way over for their second. By now the dominance of the Buxton pack was such that Didsbury were avoiding scrums at every opportunity, opting for line outs when ever possible. Taylor who had an excellent half began to take control at the lineout, disrupting the opposition ball at every opportunity. The back row were working well together and covered acres of ground, Allen and Charles putting in some big hits and Fussell cleaning up the lose ball. At half time Buxton were still in the game. Some positional changes brought on fresh legs. Kidman picked up from where Taylor left off providing a good supply of lineout ball, while Dilworth slotted in at centre. Buxton scored next. A sweeping move started by Preece saw the backs up field. Dilworth found Dawson with a sweet pass but he could not quite round his marker. The ball was recycled and Buxton continued to attack. First Charles then Barber drove for the line but were held up. From the five-metre scrum Buxton used their superior power and drove the Didsbury eight back over the line, allowing Charles to pick up and score. Buxton were back in the game and they continued to press for the score that would give them the lead. Ritchie who had tackled well all afternoon cleared up some lose ball and Paul in support broke out of defence. Charles Fussell took a difficult pass and shipped it on to Gyte but Didsbury were equal to the task and snuffed out the attack. As time ran out Buxton wilted and allowed Didsbury two soft tries to take the game. Despite the score line this was another solid and brave performance from the thirds, they continue to improve and work well as a team.

Buxton were Bearman. Uprichard, Austin, Barber, Taylor (Kidman 40), Allen, S Fussell, Charles, Preece, Weston, Ritchie, C Fussell (Dilworth 40) D Gyte (C Fussell 60),Dawson, Geordie Paul

Thirds Denied in Epic Battle

Altrincham Kersal arrived late and with enough extras to film a biblical epic, but in the end this was more Thermopylae than Exodus, as Buxton with a mere one sub threatened the highflying promotion candidates with a shock defeat. When Phil Preece burrowed over after a classic dummy to bring Buxton with in four points with five minutes left on the clock the panic buttons were being pressed. As Buxton desperately tried to break out of their half Altrincham launched an attack. They were thwarted on the line, tried again on the blind side before swinging the ball open. The thirds ran out of defenders and Altrincham scored in the corner to make the game safe and to deny the thirds of a deserved result.

Playing with the conditions in the first half Altrincham made the most of their advantage and despite stiff resistance from the thirds were 19 –0 up at the break. They could have scored a fourth but for great defence by Bennison and Ritchie. Despite the score line Buxton were matching them at the set piece but Altrincham were quick on the counter. At times it was a fractious encounter. The match could perhaps be better described as going ten rounds, rather than two halves. Early in the first half a little altercation near the Buxton line was fuelled by the Altrincham call of “All in” and things threatened degenerate. Altrincham were being frustrated the paucity of their possession. Steve Gyte who was outstanding for 70minutes, Uprichard, and Fussell sorted out their opposite numbers and the pack began to drive Altrincham back, spoiling the quality of their possession. With Taylor and Charles causing problems in the line out Buxton were not short of possession. Support and recycling were much improved, Allen and Charles getting stuck in and Bosely making dents in the defence. As ever Dilworth acted like an extra back row and was in the thick of the action.

Buxton sustained a period of pressure early in the first half. Stratford punished Altrincham ill discipline with some raking touch finders and when Buxton were awarded a penalty within range,Tim “Johnny” Charles stepped up and slotted a difficult penalty. The points spurred Buxton on. They upped the work rate, with W Preece and Weston breaking the gain line they drove into the Altrincham twenty-two. Uprichard broke through a tackle and scenting glory backed himself for the line. He was held up short but the ball was recycled. The forwards piled over the Altrincham line but could not ground the ball. From the resulting five-metre scrum a controlled drive by the pack pushed the disintegrating Altrincham eight back and Charles picked up and scored. He converted his try. Buxton did not let up. McNicholas replacing Taylor stole lineout ball and Fussell latched onto the loose ball to tidy up. The pack rumbled up field. Dan Gyte crashed into defenders offloading to Bennison who made ground. Quick ball took Buxton to within five metres before the ball was knocked on. A massive scrum turned over possession, twice the thirds were thwarted but they continued to batter away. With forwards hanging off, Preece sold a dummy and darted through the gap to score. Charles failed with a difficult kick but the match was now in the balance at 19 –15. But Buxton could not find that extra gear and Altrincham snatched the try at the end that made the game safe. Disappointment at the result shows how far the thirds have travelled this season. It was a heroic effort. Certainly they need fear no one at home and if they can play with the same passion and commitment, should take the points next week.

Buxton 15 Altrincham 24
Buxton Thirds were :S Gyte (Allen 70m), Uprichard, Fussell, Taylor (McNicholas 40m), Allen (Taylor 70m), Dilworth, Bosely, Charles, Preece, Stratford, Ritchie, W Preece,Weston, D Gyte, Bennison

Buxton 15 Altrincham 24

Altrincham held off a brave and determined Buxton fightback to take the points in a fiery and uncompromising contest. Match report to follow.

Jonathon Dawson Writes

Simon,
As stated above i returned/staggered/veered back to the bus with you, armed with a large and small pizza, the latter being mine! I passed the large one to the rear of the coach assuming Ali would claim it,obviously not!! what happened next was akin to a pack of underfed forwards/backs who just stumbled upon a rather helpless/defenceless tasty chicken pizza!! what happened next is a bit of a blur in fact the entire coach journey back was a blur, or should i say bllurrghhh !!!.
I shared mine with members at the front of the bus.


bad points..............being fullback.....(need to watch what they do,although some would say i need to watch what wingers do and centre's also )...........playing rugby around a small silage pool!!!!!........

good points.....enjoyed being centre again.........was quite funny at times.......cringing as howard met his "old friend" and his girl in the upstairs bar...........being pissed with new friends...............mulled wine and baileys challenge ........southern comfort................singing like a bastard....
Jonathan

Buxton 7 Wilmslow 19

Its a cliché and its been said before this season but this was a game that the thirds should have won. Ten minutes of lost concentration in the first half shipped twelve points, gifted the game to Wilmslow, and left Buxton kicking themselves. Despite a walk to the pitch that involved wadding about in mud and clambering across a stream, and left one expecting to see David Attenborough hiding behind bush, Buxton began strongly and took the game to Wilmslow. A couple of line outs in their twenty two, Kidman excelling himself in the air, gave Wilmslow a real scare before they were able to clear their lines. They dragged themselves into the Buxton half and launched an attack from a set piece. Buxton’s defence was AWOL and Wilmslow helped themselves to seven points. A second try followed and it looked like there could be an avalanche of points. But the thirds dug deep and showed that they are developing into a team and not a collection of fifteen individuals. Allen and Charles rallied the defence, scything down waves of attackers, and Barber lead by example and with the ever-effective Dilworth launched himself into the fray heedless of personal safety. The front row failed to find the dominance of previous weeks. Bearman, Fussell and Austin struggled with the referee’s interpretation of the engagement. The Wilmslow captain later admitted that they had been practising all week to negate the larger Buxton pack, and to some extent they succeeded though Buxton still took several against the head. Outside the scrum chances were created, and a three on one overlap was squandered, and passes were spilled at the crucial moment. Edging themselves back into the game with Preece snapping at the heels of the pack like a Yorkshire terrier, barking out orders, guiding and directing the mauls, whilst outside him Stratford, battling all afternoon with a niggling injury was the calm at the centre of the storm. He probed the corners effectively, and scored Buxton’s try late in the second half. Dan Gyte won the man of the match for another outstanding display. He battered his way through defenders all afternoon, and hauled down runners with some superb tackling. Bennison was calm and assured at the back, Ritchie had made a break and put in a crucial tackle, Dawson found himself out of position in the centres but made his tackles. The second half was Buxton’s. Fresh legs in the form of McNicholas and Graham gave them extra impetus and they began to dominate even with Allen sin binned for ten minutes, getting the better of the set pieces and denying Wilmslow any quick ball. Austin was battering his way into the defence, and the use of the rolling maul became more and more effective. With ten minutes to go the thirds drove into the Wilmslow twenty-two after a searing break by Weston. The pack rumbled on, Allen getting to the line. The ball was recycled and Stratford stepped inside his marker to score from fifteen metres. It was a great effort but it was too little too late and Wilmslow bagged the points.
Buxton were: Bearman, Fussell, Austin, Barber, Dilworth (McNicholas 50m), Allen, Kidman, Charles, Preece, Stratford, Richie (Graham 55m),Weston, Dawson, D Gyte, Bennison.

Apres Match

Man of the Match - Dan Gyte

Twat in the hat - Captain my Captain, for throwing all his toys out of his very large pram, and almost getting red carded (and for stopping ex captain my captain from punching his opposite number.)

Letting the side down - Next Captain my captain for being sin binned for a football style tackle.

Mentioned in disptaches - Gytie for winding up the ref from the touchline, TC for failing to hear Phils very clear and concise instructions about which way the rolling maul was going.

Some thoughts about a night out in Wilmslow

Difficult owing to the lack of pubs, only counted three.

The mystery of the disappearing Pizza? So who did eat Ali Bearman’s?

Gyte, power knapping on the return journey.

James Weston refusing to drink his forfeit in court. And what did he do with those shoes?

Mass spectrometers. Just how interesting are they?